It’s been just over 2 weeks since I was waiting in a hospital all day for surgery. Being in the hospital doesn’t bother me but every time I turned around someone wanted to poke me with a needle and that scares the heck outta me! I’ve been terrified of needles since I was a kid, it’s gotten easier as I get older but I still try to avoid it at all costs.
As I sat there waiting for 4 hours I had a lot of time to reflect and think about why I was there. My surgery wasn’t life or death it was a choice, a choice I made to improve my quality of life. There were definitely some risks in having the surgery but I felt the risks were worth the reward. Having experienced a surgery a few years ago, which was brutal for pain and a 3-4 week recovery, I was expecting a similar feeling when I woke up. This made me feel both scared and ready, scared because I didn’t want to feel like that but ready because I knew what it felt like. I figured it couldn’t be any worse than the last time so I could take it. I woke up super groggy from the anesthetics but otherwise I felt pretty good which was a nice surprise.
This surgery also boosted my confidence! It was the first time I didn’t cry like a little girl when I got a needle, I didn’t even have a panic attack! I stayed calm had a conversation with everyone in the room before I got knocked out and when I woke up I didn’t freak out about the IV that was still in my arm. This is a HUGE milestone for me; one I thought would never happen! I still can’t believe that I was able to do it without my usual reaction and really all by myself!
I’m so thankful for my doctor and all the amazing staff at the hospital that took such good care of me and hopefully this is the last time they will see me 🙂